I do not know who I am addressing to when I write this blog. I will try my best to name this entity. This entity is a feeling. A lot like anger. And a lot like disappointment. And also failure.
I want to believe that everyone feels like this once in a while. By believing that maybe I make this feeling smaller. But when it hits, I feel like nothing I can say or force myself to believe makes it go away.
It may seem like I am rambling now – which I most certainly do not want to do. What I do really want to do is write. Why? Because I hear that writing help. Writing makes you calmer. Think rationally. In my personal experience, writing makes me organize.
Writing makes me organize all those sentences and words and thoughts and place each of those in a compartment. I am nit picky. I will pick at each of those compartments and touch it, feel it, sense it. And once I am done ruminating, I will put a lid on it. What I am hoping is that by the help of writing I can quickly close this process.
But then what about the blues that follow? I wish that there was a thing I could do so that these blues go away when something just does not feel settled.
Over time I have tried many things to avoid this unsettled feeling. Avoiding, ignoring, getting a snack, having my favorite beverage, facing it head on…blah blah. Never did I try writing and hence this attempt! Writing is feeling a lot like talking to myself. Without actually doing it and being at a risk of someone over hearing.
So today, I try writing to fight the blues. Hope it helps you too!